For the friends and family of the alcoholic, the key to serenity is finding
                      the wisdom to know the difference between what they can and cannot
                      change.

                      "... we discover that no situation is really hopeless, and that it is
                      possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether
                      the alcoholic is still drinking or not."

                      The first time a friend or family member of an alcohlic hears these words
                      -- read at the opening of virtually every Al-Anon meeting -- they seem too
                      good to be true.

                      For many who have spent years living with the progressive disease of
                      alcoholism and tried everything possible to keep the situation from growing
                      worse, the thought that finding happiness while the drinking continues
                      seems inconceivable.

                      Chances are happiness seems like an unrealistic goal, something that only
                      make-believe families on television shows have. For the alcoholic family
                      reality can become one crisis after another. Pain, heartache, agony, stress,
                      pressure, and emotional turmoil, we've got -- but happiness?

                      But those who hang around Al-Anon long enough find out that the opening
                      statement can become reality in their own lives and in their own homes.
                      One of the keys to that reality is detachment.

                      As the literature says, "Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not
                      imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which
                      we are detaching. It is simply a means that allows us to separate ourselves
                      from the adverse effects that another person's alcoholism can have upon
                      our lives."

                      Many times the family members find that they have become just as
                      obsessed -- and perhaps even more -- with the alcoholic's behavior than
                      the alcoholic is with the drink. The Al-Anon program teaches us to "put
                      the focus on ourselves" and not on the alcoholic, or anyone else.

                      If we put the focus on ourselves, we will no longer be in the position to:

                           Suffer because of the actions and reaction of others. 

                           Allow us to be used or abused by others. 

                           Do for others what they could do for themselves. 

                           Manipulate situations so others will eat, sleep, get up, pay bills and
                           not drink. 

                           Cover up for anyone's mistakes or misdeeds.

                           Create a crisis. 

                           Prevent a crisis if it is the natural course of events. 

                      But what about the alcoholic? What happens if I stop doing all of
                      these things that I have done all these years to "help?" 

                      Has it helped? Al-Anon members learn that no individual is responsible for
                      another person's disease or recovery from it. The simple answer to what
                      to do about the alcoholic: "Let go, and let God."

                      As they say in the program, "It's simple, but it ain't easy." But you do not
                      have to do it alone. There is probably an Al-Anon Family Group meeting
                      nearby where you will find people who understand as few others can.
                      They have been there, and by sharing their experience, strength and hope,
                      help others to find their own path to serenity.